I’ve been trying for years now, but to no avail. And so I’ve finally given up hoping for death threats. Instead I’ve decided to settle, if I can get even this, for a petition for my dismissal. To that end I’m putting on record, and in no uncertain terms, a dozen sure-fire grounds for dismissal from my position as a Professor of Philosophy here at the University of Lethbridge. Let’s hope at least one of them will stick.
- As a dedicated educator, I’m opposed to cosmetic diversity in the professoriate.
- As the embodiment of patriarchy, I’m hardly a feminist. But I am an ally. And as such I’m opposed to trans-gendered athletes being allowed to compete in women’s sports.
- Whatever ‘decolonisation of the classroom’ might mean, I’m agin it.
- Whatever y’all think you mean by ‘indigenising the university’, knock yourselves out. But leave me and my students, including my indigenous students, out of it.
- Black lives don’t matter because mattering requires a to-whom, and to me only East Indians and Italians matter because they’re the only ones who can cook.
- As it happens I’m Jewish. Contrary to the likes of B’nai Brith and the Anti-Hate Network, neither anti-Zionism nor Holocaust-denial is anti-Semitism. As it happens I’m neither a Zionist nor a Holocaust asserter, but I’m very definitely an anti-Semite. And yes, it’s because of the gefilte fish.
- I may or may not be a racist. The meaning of the word keeps shifting, so I can never be sure. But I’m not an anti-racist. In fact I’m very definitely an anti-anti-racist. This is because the virtue signalling rhetoric of the self-righteous self-styled white anti-racist is so insufferably irritating it makes me want to lynch her.
- Of the things I care least about, global warming and the minutes of last night’s city council meeting are pretty much in a dead heat.
- I know nothing about global warming, and neither do you. Moreover I’m not going to learn a damn thing about it. And neither are you.
- Rape is a legal term, not a moral one. Juliet was thirteen. I’m not saying a thirteen year-old can’t be raped. I’m just saying she wasn’t.
- None of my best friends are black.
- As it happens I’m not a pedophile, but some of my best friends are.