BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Okay, Ms Snowflake, we could go back to arranged marriages, but I’m guessing you don’t want to do that. So in the post-patriarchal world, how exactly are men and women – or men and men, or women and women – to express an interest in each other? I know, I know. They signal that interest. And I’m pretty sure this is what we mean by – flirting.

Is there a line that can be drawn between flirting and sexual misconduct? A line that’s unindexed to culture and context? There is not. So to protect yourself and your fellow snowflakes from unwelcome attention, let’s just outlaw any and all flirtation and be done with it. Henceforth no man will ever express an interest in you. Happy now? Good.

But here’s the problem. Most women – and most men too – want to be the object of sexual interest. And they want this notwithstanding they might be happily married. I know I do. I know my wife does. In fact one of the ways I can make someone’s day – a friend, a complete stranger – is to compliment her on her appearance. In doing so am I telling her I want to fuck her? Almost never. I’m telling her she’s fuckable. And I’m telling her that even if she’s not. Why? Because I know of no woman, be she twenty or ninety, who doesn’t want to be told that. Well, other than you, Ms Snowflake.

I don’t know Andrew Cuomo. Maybe he’s a creep. But I doubt it. I’m guessing he’s what I’m told that I am. I’m charming. I have the focus-group data to prove it. I could be wrong, but I’m guessing there’s nothing Cuomo’s done that I don’t do whenever I can. I try to make someone’s day. That’s what makes me charming.

I’m trying to picture the charmless world Ms Snowflake would urge upon us. What’s it called? I know, I know. It’s what we mean by a dystopia.



Categories: Everything You Wanted to Know About What's Going On in the World But Were Afraid to Ask, Social and Political Philosophy

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1 reply

  1. I don’t know that women want to be thought ‘fuckable’. I know you mean attractive, but some will bristle at your wording. But then, I don’t even know that all women want to be thought attractive. I’m increasingly happy on days I’m thought not repulsive, which is a far cry from attractive. But yes, if I doll up for a party then I want to shine a little – to men and women. I suck at dressing up, so if a woman tells me I got my wardrobe right the feedback is appreciated. And, although I’m an introvert, a “you look lovely tonight” from anyone feels good. What’s more, if someone inquires as to my marital status, I strut to my hubby – “Hey Hon, I’ve still got it!” And he says, “Yes, you do!” A little white lie seldom goes amiss.

    Anyway. From the bit I’ve gleaned about Cuomo, and from what has emerged up to this point, I feel bad for the guy. I don’t think there’s any sin in making a pass, if a pass he made. But my view won’t sit well with all women. I’ll be shucked into the ‘trivializer’ camp by some, whatever that amounts to. Alt-right, brain-washed by the patriarchy, whatever.

    I don’t know that I think his accusers are ‘awfulizers’, but some of the commentators on this case certainly are. We’ll see how this thing pans out. I might revise my opinion with new information.

    Something to keep in mind. Women are divided on the #MeToo issue. If you’re interested, an article in Chatelaine entitled “Why Some Women Can’t Get Behind #MeToo – But Wouldn’t Dare Admit It” (Rosemary Westwood, 16 January, 2018) addresses this division. https://www.chatelaine.com/news/metoo-backlash/

    Women are divided along cultural and generational lines. And I suspect class lines are at play as well. Camille Paglia has a working class sensibility I share, but not with all working class women. And here’s the rub, there’s a lot of subjectivity in what one does and doesn’t find acceptable behaviour. Or, let’s put it this way, which behaviour is wanted.

    Some women go to parties hoping to pick up an Andrew Cuomo. There’s a PBS documentary called People Like Us – Social Class in America that I highly recommend. (You can get some clips on You Tube – try Tammy’s story 1 and 2.) Anyway, some women hire coaches to make themselves over and learn how to attract men in a higher social class than themselves. You can see a bit of this clip here: https://streaming.uco.edu/media/People+Like+Us+-+Social+Class+in+America+2/0_3h7yl64a

    In the 1800s, some Irish men apparently took these kinds of lessons to advance their social standing among the English.

    Others, good Lord, who knows. What I mean is some women will accept some attention from some men, but which kind of attention and from which men can be quite a guessing game. Some women will be offended by a “you look lovely tonight” if it comes from someone she rejects. Sometimes it seems the guy is supposed to magically know he is in the rejected camp. But rejected for what?

    Some guys want to feel as women do, just a little attractive. But guys don’t usually get comments like, “Hey, you look lovely tonight.” The guys can weigh in here, but I suspect a smile, a laugh, or some response that indicates “I’ve still got it” fits the bill. For all the creeps that are supposed to be out there, I’ve met few men who are actually are. And they have their creepy counterparts with women. And not to be forgotten is white-knight behaviour. Women aren’t usually battling men alone, there are often men in the wings waiting to avenge these assaults on their honour. Even if women aren’t offended, some men are on their behalf.

    Okay. I know I will alienate some women. And I guess that’s my last point here. By my voicing that I think (at this point) Andrew Cuomo did nothing wrong, some will think I harm women. Others think more harm is done to women by these displays of having “the vapours”, suggesting women are powerless. I’m not really in a camp. I have some feminist intuitions, certainly when I find them useful. I’ll play my F-card. I’m human. But I think the philosopher/hard-ass Darwinian in me has a hard time buying wholesale particular narratives. And I suppose, as a woman not a whole lot younger than the 63 year old Cuomo, I have some empathy for his vulnerability. Yes, a “powerful old white male” is vulnerable. And I think I just don’t want to get on any bandwagon that doesn’t acknowledge this fact.

    One thing I do know. I don’t want to be told what to think and what to say by men, just as I don’t want to be told what to think and what to say by women.

    Like

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