I’ve never been sure what’s meant by left and right, but I am sure I’m neither. Still, it’s been brought to my attention – by a friend, so he must be right – that I’m more than a tad selective in my scathe. I go after leftist rhetoric without stint, but, he observes, I seem to be giving the right a free pass. I’ve thought long and hard about this – by which I mean a full four seconds – and I’ve concluded that he’s dead right. But he’d be wrong to infer that it’s because my heart’s on the wrong side of my chest. Rather it’s because I take the stupidity of the right to be too self-evident to be worthy of comment. In attacking the left I am in fact honouring it as being worth attacking.

People who don’t see this are hard to be disabused of their conflation of argumentation with partisanship. So much as I find it demeaning to virtue signal my Marxist credentials, here they are:

Notwithstanding I’m Jewish, I’m a self-loathing one, because I’d like to see a one-state solution, with the Law of the Return applied to Jews and Palestinians alike. I’m pro-Choice, except of course for Republican foetuses. Baffled as I am why anyone, male or female, wouldn’t want to jump my bones, I’m equally baffled why anyone would take the slightest interest in the sexual orientation of complete strangers. I’d sooner lose one of my few remaining vital organs than give up single-payer health care. Like every host on CNN and MSNBC, I’ll mumble the mandatory “heaven forbid,” but I’d be secretly delighted if there really was Breaking News and it was that Donald Trump had just succumbed to Covid-19.

What more need I add to earn my much coveted death threats from the Alt-Right? Tell me what it is and I’ll add it.

In the meantime I do what I’ve been called upon to do by the Almighty Whose existence I deny. If I hear a bad argument I correct it, unless it’s so bad that correcting it will just confirm it. For example, suggesting we ingest disinfectant to deliver us from evil has already been done. It was called Jonestown. 

Categories: Humour

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

1 reply

  1. “Just as when you are at the North Pole, all directions are south. The left pole is the mythical spot from which all directions are right.”


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