If you’re called out for a micro-aggression, call out the micro-aggression of being called out for a micro-aggression. If it’s then argued that the subaltern can’t micro-aggress, nod your head in full agreement and then point to yourself as the subaltern. Likewise if you’re accused of being insensitive. Call out the insensitivity of accusing someone of being insensitive. And then, as above, if she cites the asymmetry of the dominant and the subaltern.

If someone tells you you’re being racist, don’t ask them in what way or what they mean by racist. That’s precisely what a racist always does. Just point out that “You wouldn’t say that if you didn’t know I’m Jewish.” What’s nice about this one is it’s fun watching her face as she struggles to parse this one out.

If she says, as victims of oppression often do, that “You’re denying my existence!”, don’t deny that you’re doing so. Just shrug and walk away as if you hadn’t heard her.

Be a good listener. But if she goes on longer than three minutes about how hard it is to be black, or indigenous, or trans, or whatever, pretend your phone just vibrated, put it to your ear, and answer the fictitious caller about how you’re handling the new chemo.

If you’re accused of settler colonialism, own it. Tell her “It’s true we stole your land, and we’ll give it back to you on condition you’ll give it back to the people you stole it from.” If she tells you it always was her land, ask her what role war paint played in her pre-contact culture?

I could go on, but I think you get the point. In the face of confrontation, never argue, never explain, and never apologise. They’re open to neither argument nor explanation. And after you apologise the hand goes out.

The whole thing is a scam, and you’re the mark. What do you do when you get one of those calls and you hear the click before the recorded voice comes on? You hang up. But you’re not dealing with robo-calls. None of the above will discourage them. They’re real first-years, with all the zeal Intro to Women’s Studies has installed in them. Recite the Desiderata. They’ll outgrow it. You’ll just have to survive it until they do.

Categories: Everything You Wanted to Know About What's Going On in the World But Were Afraid to Ask, Humour, Why My Colleagues Are Idiots

Tags: indigenous, insensitivity, micro-aggressions, racism, settler colonialism, subaltern, trans, Women's Studies